Psychotherapist's Journal - Thoughts and Tools to Inspire Wellness in Mind and Body - by Karen Gorrin

Attunement with Nature

Just about the time the clouds shifted, and the beautiful blue sky that was hidden all morning emerged, three black crows landed on the tree next to me and started singing. Their concert continued for more than twenty minutes, lulling me into peaceful contentment.

If you squint you'll see the trio of crows sitting close together on the lower left branch in the photo. Without a zoom feature on my phone it looks like the birds are far away, but I could feel and see them as close neighbors.

Relaxing into the cadence of the music I wondered about the influence these sounds were having on my brain. I had just spent two days at the Wise Heart, Mindful Brain conference with Dan Siegel and Jack Kornfield learning about interpersonal neurobiology. Research now shows how mindful awareness stimulates very similar areas of the brain as listening to jazz music. Both have the ability to place us into a state of gentle self-attunement. Noticing my experience while listening to these birds, I felt an inner bliss and joy. It was a kind of recognition that expanded my sense of me to include my interconnection to the natural environment around me. I felt "in-tune" with the birds, the environment, and myself. When was the last time you celebrated the emerging light with your feathered friends?

I started to wonder if these were in fact crows or ravens? I didn't know the difference. A visit to wikipedia gave some background, but I found myself much more interested in the symbolic meaning of both birds in folklore and occult circles. In Buddhism, for example, the crow is associated with protection. The Dharmapala, the protector of the Dharma, is represented by the crow in one of his physical forms. The crow has also heralded the birth of several Dalai Lama. I will reflect on these qualities of my trio of visitors today. Whatever their purpose in sharing space with me, I warmly welcome the tradition of protection they bring. What are the symbols of protection in your life?

Wisdom from Brothers and Sisters

It's interesting where we can find the great insights. The other night I watched the season finale of the television show Brothers and Sisters. In a speech given by the Calista Flockhardt character Kitty, while officiating at her brothers wedding, she said, "It seems that when we give up on what was, that's when things we thought improbable, or impossible even, happen right before our eyes."

Go Kitty! When we let go of our attachment to things being a certain way, we give things space to be what they need to be. This applies to everything from people to life circumstances. When we grasp our life, our life becomes unable to unfold. In our attempt to hold on, we can actually loose. Yet when we let go, we often find ourselves gifted with our hearts desire.

Why do we grasp? I believe we sometimes forget what our inner wisdom knows to be true: The only thing that really exists is the present moment. That is all that exists. Now. Here. This moment. When we forget this, we can sometimes be lured into grasping onto an experience or idea from the past. But it only takes a second to come back. Do it now. Be still ... and open your heart and mind. You may be surprised what happens next.

In the News: Compassion

Why do some people roll with life’s punches, facing failures and problems with grace, while others dwell on calamities, criticize themselves and exaggerate problems? This is the question asked in an article posted this week at physorg.com

I appreciated reading this article, which I found fascinating and very valuable to my work as a psychotherapist. The answer, according to recent research from Duke and Wake Forest Univeristies, may be our ability to self-soothe with compassion. Referred to as self-compassion, it is the ability we hold to be kind to ourselves, even when things are going badly.

In one of the first major studies of self-compassion, Duke and Wake Forest Universities published the results of their research in the May 2007 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

In my psychotherapy practice I often encourage my clients who are experiencing distress to imagine compassion gently flowing over themselves. To feel a sense of compassion for the pain and dis-ease we are experiencing often helps to lessen the pain, and returns our attention to a still and calm place within ourselves.

“Life’s tough enough with little things that happen," says Mark R. Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke and lead author of the paper, which includes five peer-reviewed studies. "Self-compassion helps to eliminate a lot of the anger, depression and pain we experience when things go badly for us.”

The Buddhists have long understood the virtue of compassion for thousands of years. In fact, there is even an entire meditation tradition devoted to the practice of compassion and loving-kindness known in Pali as Metta. (I'll write more about this practice in an upcoming post.)

“American society has spent a great deal of time and effort trying to promote people’s self-esteem,” Leary said, “when a far more important ingredient of well-being may be self-compassion.”

Read more about this research at by clicking here.

All About Grief and Loss: Acceptance

Our ability, or inability, to accept the loss of what we had, and the loss of what will never be, is at the heart of much of the suffering in our world. Certainly, loss and grief in one form or another is the primary issue that brings people to the psychotherapist's office.

The Buddha said it well, "There is suffering." He named this fact as the first of the Four Noble Truths. He also said it was possible to relieve ourselves from suffering by accepting things just the way they are.

This can be a little tricky to do, because many of us hold a "story" in our minds that limit out ability to accept. The story usually goes something like this: "If I accept this, I will give it power, or I will make it more real. The story continues by convincing us that if we were to "act as though it isn't true," eventually the suffering would go away. Ahhh, wish that it were so simple.

The mind can be tricky indeed. Calming these stories and returning our attention to the present moment is what mindfulness meditation practice is all about. We do this because the stories are not true. We do this because to pretend our reality into existence does not work. That's the thing about denial. It may seem to work, at least for awhile. But eventually, what is real and true catches up with us.

Eventually, we come to know that when we accept things exactly the way they are, they change. When we meet the circumstances of our lives, just exactly "as is", without judgement, we release the story line and our grasp to the past. We become "unstuck," allowing ourselves to be present to the unfolding of our lives.

It is natural for some amount of discomfort to float through from time to time. That is part of being alive. The story line would suggest that if we were to deny these uncomfortable feelings, we would prevent them from growing and taking over. Not so. The effort we expand to "push away the feelings" often encourages the feelings to become louder. The helpful choice would be to meet the discomfort when it arises, then in the next moment to focus our attention on what happens there. Likely, the next moment will bring something new entirely.

This is the practice of meditation. This is the journey of being alive. This is the path of relief from the suffering of loss and grief.