Psychotherapist's Journal - Thoughts and Tools to Inspire Wellness in Mind and Body - by Karen Gorrin

Wisdom from Brothers and Sisters

It's interesting where we can find the great insights. The other night I watched the season finale of the television show Brothers and Sisters. In a speech given by the Calista Flockhardt character Kitty, while officiating at her brothers wedding, she said, "It seems that when we give up on what was, that's when things we thought improbable, or impossible even, happen right before our eyes."

Go Kitty! When we let go of our attachment to things being a certain way, we give things space to be what they need to be. This applies to everything from people to life circumstances. When we grasp our life, our life becomes unable to unfold. In our attempt to hold on, we can actually loose. Yet when we let go, we often find ourselves gifted with our hearts desire.

Why do we grasp? I believe we sometimes forget what our inner wisdom knows to be true: The only thing that really exists is the present moment. That is all that exists. Now. Here. This moment. When we forget this, we can sometimes be lured into grasping onto an experience or idea from the past. But it only takes a second to come back. Do it now. Be still ... and open your heart and mind. You may be surprised what happens next.

Power of Ritual at the American Cancer Society

Yesterday I had the great privilege of leading a training for the Quality of Life team at the American Cancer Society Seattle office. I had been invited to speak about greif and loss, and to design a ritual to support the patient navigaotrs in their work with patients.

Ritual is a tool that encourages us to express ourselves though story, symbol, and action. The power of ritual, no matter how simple, is not to be underestimated. Have you ever noticed that ritual can last a moment - as in lighting a candle, or it can last for hours - with song, dance, drumming, and costumes? Ritual may be used to request a healing, honor a transformation, or communicate with the divine.

For some people, ritual is experienced as a form of prayer - a conversation with God, or higher spiritual power. Anthropologists tell us we are experiencing a revival of ritual, possibly because ritual offers an experience that can be "spiritual but not religious."

For yesterday's ritual, I carefully selected a piece of music that had recently been introduced to me by my colleagues at Mind/Body Associates International. The song, Devi Prayer, comes from the album, 108 Sacred Chants of Mother Divine by Craig Pruess & Ananda. It is a beautiful, meditative chant that I find evokes calm and serenity.

We began yesterday's ritual with a guided meditation, designed to create stillness in mind and body. Then, each participant was invited to select a river rock from a large bowl. The rock was to symbolize people the patient navigator had supported but are no longer working with, either because of recovery or death.

All About Grief and Loss: Acceptance

Our ability, or inability, to accept the loss of what we had, and the loss of what will never be, is at the heart of much of the suffering in our world. Certainly, loss and grief in one form or another is the primary issue that brings people to the psychotherapist's office.

The Buddha said it well, "There is suffering." He named this fact as the first of the Four Noble Truths. He also said it was possible to relieve ourselves from suffering by accepting things just the way they are.

This can be a little tricky to do, because many of us hold a "story" in our minds that limit out ability to accept. The story usually goes something like this: "If I accept this, I will give it power, or I will make it more real. The story continues by convincing us that if we were to "act as though it isn't true," eventually the suffering would go away. Ahhh, wish that it were so simple.

The mind can be tricky indeed. Calming these stories and returning our attention to the present moment is what mindfulness meditation practice is all about. We do this because the stories are not true. We do this because to pretend our reality into existence does not work. That's the thing about denial. It may seem to work, at least for awhile. But eventually, what is real and true catches up with us.

Eventually, we come to know that when we accept things exactly the way they are, they change. When we meet the circumstances of our lives, just exactly "as is", without judgement, we release the story line and our grasp to the past. We become "unstuck," allowing ourselves to be present to the unfolding of our lives.

It is natural for some amount of discomfort to float through from time to time. That is part of being alive. The story line would suggest that if we were to deny these uncomfortable feelings, we would prevent them from growing and taking over. Not so. The effort we expand to "push away the feelings" often encourages the feelings to become louder. The helpful choice would be to meet the discomfort when it arises, then in the next moment to focus our attention on what happens there. Likely, the next moment will bring something new entirely.

This is the practice of meditation. This is the journey of being alive. This is the path of relief from the suffering of loss and grief.