Psychotherapist's Journal - Thoughts and Tools to Inspire Wellness in Mind and Body - by Karen Gorrin

All About Not Knowing

“… Not knowing – the answer, the goal, or even the next step – is generally associated with deficit or failure in our culture. How then, do artists, writers, and other creative people cope with such indeterminacy, learning to live with the anxiety it produces and even coming to understand it as part of the creative process? …”

These were the opening words I shared at the Thriving Beyond Cancer: Thriving in Uncertainty workshop I facilitated last year at Harmony Hill Retreat Center. The insightful author of those words was the UCLA Fowler Museum staff from long-ago exhibit materials.

How relevant to the artist, this idea of not-knowing. How relevent to us all, as we create our lives one day at a time. One moment at a time. The perpetual blank page. The on-going creative process.

Have you ever noticed the tendency to avoid "not knowing" by placing something ontop, as a way to try and make not-knowing into the known? How does that work for you? I welcome your thoughts.

I will be offering this program again soon ... Monday, April 28. You are welcomed to attend this program at no-cost if you are a cancer survivor or a cancer caregiver; and you are physically able to move between buildings and short distances. For more information or to register, click here. Hope to see you there.

An Idea Worth Spreading

One of my areas of inquiry these days is the brain. I am fascinated by the neuropsychology of how we learn, come to know the experience of love, form and hold our belief systems, and so much more. (See one of my favorite books about the brain, A General Theory of Love.)

So you can imagine I was thrilled when my colleague Sue Ann Birdwell, a family therapist in Kirkland, sent me the below link. I think you'll enjoy listening to brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor's speech from the recent TED conference. It's a powerful account of her experience watching her own stroke unfold, and reveals surprising insights into the very nature of life itself.

Inspiration ...

What a great way to start the day! (Thank you, Ben.) I awoke this morning to receive the below video of Steve Jobs, and the speech he offered to the 2005 graduating class at Stanford University. I had heard an audio of this speech at the time, but had long since forgotten how valuable each of the stories Jobs tells were to me. Jobs shares with the students three stories from his life: Connecting the Dots; Love and Loss; and Facing Death.

In the Quietness of this Place

With gratitude to my friend and colleague Rachel Whalley, for sharing the following essay with me yesterday over lunch. Written by Howard Thurman and excepted from his book, For the Inward Journey, may these eloquent words bring comfort in moments of despair:

"Despite the dullness and barrenness of the days that pass, if I search with due diligence, I can always find a deposit left by some former radiance. But I had forgotten. At the time it was full-orbed, glorious and resplendent. I was sure that I would never forget. In the moment of fullness, I was sure that it would illumine my path for all the rest of my journey. I had forgotten how easy it is to forget. There was no intent to betray what seemed so sure at the time. My response was whole, clean, authentic. But little by little, there crept into my life the dust and grit of the journey. Details, lower-level demands, all kinds of crosscurrents—nothing momentous, nothing overwhelming, nothing flagrant—just wear and tear. If there had been some direct challenge—a clear-cut issue—I would have fought it to the end, and beyond. In the quietness of this place, surrounded by the all-pervading Presence of God, my heart whispers: Keep fresh before me the moments of my High Resolve, that in fair weather or in foul, in good times or in tempests, in the days when the darkness and the foe are nameless or familiar, I may not forget that to which my life is committed. Keep fresh before me the moments of my high resolve."

How to Lead Your Life

"If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you." says Carnegie-Mellon professor Randy Pausch in his inspiring lecture and new book, The Last Lecture. See excepts from the lecture and Pausch's interview with Diane Sawyer below, or watch the full hour lecture as I did, by clicking here.

Hooray Martha Beck

I could not have written the article better myself. A big "hooray" goes to Martha Beck for her March 2002 article, re-published this month on CNN.com/living (where I first read it) Is it Love or a Mutual Strangulation Society? Beck details what it takes to have an honest and lasting relationship. Be aware, these ideas may challenge your beliefs and might even feel a little uncomfortable. Many of us hold the idea that our partner should be, or must be, EVERYTHING to us. But it simply does not work that way. Here's what Beck reports, and I agree, are the five statements we must be able to recite about our partner:

I can live without you, no problem.

My love for you will definitely change.

You're not everything I need.

I won't always hold you close.

You and I aren't one.

What are your thoughts on this?

Can you use the above statements to describe your most intimate relationship? Does your relationship consist of two whole and separate people coming together, or have you/do you give up a sense of yourself as an individual to merge with your partner? I believe we sometimes get confused about the difference between healthy intimacy and unhealthy (and ultimately unsatisfying) enmeshment. I know, these ideas may push a few buttons. It's OK. I welcome your comments.

Sacred Space

I believe the places where we spend our time affect who we are and who we become. If we wish to cultivate compassion in our lives, creating sacred space may be one way to begin.

Sacred space is healing. Sacred space can help us facilitate a sense of renewal and hope. It can be our sanctuary of peace and beauty, our personal oasis of stillness. Sacred space can be the retreat we create for ourselves right within our own homes. It is like slowly breathing out ... as we release what we no longer need and make room to fully drop back into ourselves.

One of my sacred spaces is my outdoor deck that overlooks Tiger Mountain. (Click the pictures to see the whole photo.) This is my sanctuary. It is the place I come to meditate, to write, to reflect, and to reconnect. I consider it a room within my home, and although outdoors it is not really separate at all, but connected to the whole of me. Cozy and comfortable, this place feeds my soul and warms my heart.

I carefully selected the pieces that adorn this place, and arranged them with intention to radiate nourishment, positive energy and healing. Wind chimes, flowers, candles, comfy chairs, and artwork. Sometimes my sanctuary is a place of solitude only for me. At other times it is a place I open to share with friends and loved ones. At ALL times, I find comfort and renewal in this place. I am deeply grateful for this unique and sacred space. Ahhh...

Upcoming Retreat for Women Living with Fibromyalgia

The Abundant Wellness Retreat is a three-day gathering of pacific northwest women with a diagnosis of fibromyalgia.

I originally posted about this program back in January, and this post is an update about this very exciting and innovative program!

You are coordially invited to retreat from the stress of daily life and focus exclusively on yourself! As an Abundant Wellness Retreat participant, you will enjoy support and educational programs, whole food meals, gentle yoga and labyrinth walks, and plenty of time for rest and renewal -- all in a beautiful, retreat setting on the south shore of the hood canal.

This retreat has been designed especially for women living with fibromyalgia. Special attention will be given to the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of fibromyalgia. The program will be facilitated by mind/body psychotherapist Karen Gorrin, together with yoga instructor Melode Brewer. Both are experienced working with people living with chronic illness.

As a participant, you will learn and practice tools for reducing stress such as yoga, meditation, and guided imagery. You will learn about mind/body approaches to enhance your outlook even in the face of pain and despair. And, there will be opportunity to share stories of hope and courage, as together we create a community of Abundant Wellness women.

For more infomation, or to request an application, click here.

In the News: Compassion

Why do some people roll with life’s punches, facing failures and problems with grace, while others dwell on calamities, criticize themselves and exaggerate problems? This is the question asked in an article posted this week at physorg.com

I appreciated reading this article, which I found fascinating and very valuable to my work as a psychotherapist. The answer, according to recent research from Duke and Wake Forest Univeristies, may be our ability to self-soothe with compassion. Referred to as self-compassion, it is the ability we hold to be kind to ourselves, even when things are going badly.

In one of the first major studies of self-compassion, Duke and Wake Forest Universities published the results of their research in the May 2007 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

In my psychotherapy practice I often encourage my clients who are experiencing distress to imagine compassion gently flowing over themselves. To feel a sense of compassion for the pain and dis-ease we are experiencing often helps to lessen the pain, and returns our attention to a still and calm place within ourselves.

“Life’s tough enough with little things that happen," says Mark R. Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke and lead author of the paper, which includes five peer-reviewed studies. "Self-compassion helps to eliminate a lot of the anger, depression and pain we experience when things go badly for us.”

The Buddhists have long understood the virtue of compassion for thousands of years. In fact, there is even an entire meditation tradition devoted to the practice of compassion and loving-kindness known in Pali as Metta. (I'll write more about this practice in an upcoming post.)

“American society has spent a great deal of time and effort trying to promote people’s self-esteem,” Leary said, “when a far more important ingredient of well-being may be self-compassion.”

Read more about this research at by clicking here.

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

I believe I met Jonathan Livingston Seagull this evening.

I was taking the ferry home from Harmony Hill Cancer Retreat Center, where I had just spent this beautiful day facilitating a Tools for the Journey retreat for MultiCare patients and thier caregivers.

While on the top deck watching the sun set over the Olympics, I stood in amazement as Jonathan flew just inches above my head for the entire hour-long fery ride.

I had never been quite so close to a bird in flight, and I am still somewhat at a loss of words to describe the sensation, other than magnificant. It was flow and power and grace and beauty. Just simply MAGNIFICANT.

The experience brought my attention back to the story I had read so many years ago. Jonathan Livingston Seagull, a talented young gull, befriended the wisest gull in his community, named Chiang. Chiang took Jonathan beyond his previous learning, teaching him how to move instantaneously to anywhere in the universe. The secret, Chiang tells him, is to “begin by knowing that you have already arrived”.

Great advice for achieving one's dreams. Thank you dear Jonathan, for coming to share your wisdom with me. I feel blessed for the experience.

Healing - What's it all About?

Interesting question. What is HEALING? For some of us, the idea of healing is to "go back to the way things used to be" And yet for me, healing is about "moving cloer to who we really are." Healing is acceptance and gratitude. Healing is about love.

Is it ever really possible to go back to the way things used to be? I do not believe so. Life moves in a forward direction at all times. Certainly we move into, and then through experences, and we do so always by traveling forward. Healing, then, is about moving though an experience without grasping, in a way that makes us more available to receive the next experience in our lives. We actually become more available for life by being more deeply connected to ourselves. We actually become more whole by being more present.

What are your ideas and beliefs about healing? What is your personal experience? What beliefs do you hold onto about the meaning, purpose, or intention of healing? How do you recognize healing, and how do you know when it's lacking? I hope to hear from you.

Announcing The Five Wishes

Are you familiar with The Five Wishes? It is an an easy-to-use legal document that lets adults of all ages plan how they want to be cared for in the event they become seriously ill. Most agree that planning ahead gives people control over their medical care, as well as the peace of mind that comes from expressing their wishes and knowing the wishes of their loved ones. Medical, personal, emotional and spiritual needs are addressed. At the workshops we'll talk about the provocative issue: how do I wish to be treated should I one day be unable to speak for myself?

If the idea of planning ahead for illness sounds just plain depressing, let's take a look at this from another angle: We all know that one day we will die, right? Many of us hope that we will pass quietly in the night, without a fuss. And for many of us, this is just exactly the way it will be. Sometimes, however, we are faced with a turn of events that was not anticipated. And sometimes, these events leave us unable to fully express our wants and needs. The Five Wishes document gives us the opportunity while we are still healthy (and hopefully we will always remain healthy) to express are choices in the event we are one day unable to express ourselves. What is more, The Five Wishes relieves our family from the burden of making the decisions they can only hope we would have wanted. This way, our family knows with certainty they have fulfilled our wishes.

I will be faciliating two upcoming Five Wishes workshops. At each session, participants will receive a copy of the The Five Wishes for personal use. Copies may also be obtained by contacting Aging with Dignity. I also present The Five Wishes at Work sessions for businesses and corporate environments. Contact me for more information or to schedule a workplace program.

To register for the public programs, please call the numbers below.

Wednesday, May 2 at 6:00 PM
The Women's Center at the University of Washington
Meets in Seattle - call 206/685.1090

Thursday, May 3 at 12:30 PM
The Senior's Group at Stroum Jewish Community Center
Meets on Mercer Island - call 206/232.7115